My Place or Yours?

By Bernd Vogel

Friends Hanging Out

One of the best things in life is hanging out at home with friends, wasting time, contemplating the future, reflecting on how much time you're wasting, and more wasting time.

It's just not as easy to do that with Maranao parents. Unless:

a) your circle of heterogeneous friends consists mainly of close relatives: cousins, uncles/aunts-of-the-same-age, et al.

b) you don't live with your Maranao parents and they don't know what's going on (and assuming of course that your nosy neighbor isn't a snitch).

c) you have an all-girl or all-boy circle of friends.

d) your parents are one of those "hippy, open-minded, 70s" lot.

Otherwise, you don't hang out at home. You meet your friends out and go elsewhere to waste time. 

**

In my parents' home, however, they are okay with my guy friends hanging out as long as:

a) they are married and they come over with their wives.

b) they are engaged to be married and they come over with their fiancees.

c) they are fake-engaged and their fake-fiancees are not able to make it.

d) my parents know their parents.

e) I know them through some academic context.

f) they can take my father's history trivia, and answer his trick questions.

They're pretty cool, my old folks.

What are your (or your parents') house rules on this?

Filipino or Not?

Before you do, check if you've got the right one!

We've all read the You-Know-You're-A-Filipino-If List.

Let's see which points don't apply to Maranaos.

WHY WE'RE "NOT" FILIPINOS:

* You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly. Actually, I think Maranaos flirt by making indirect remarks/comments/compliments ("parinig") by referring to people in the second or third person, whether or not they are speaking directly.

* You like bowling. Generally, no. We're not that much into sports, are we? It's too improper. Of course, I'm generalizing now. It isn't to say that Maranaos don't play or enjoy sports. It's just not a big part of our culture. At least not the mainstream sports. In fact, we get defensive and say "Well, we are modern Maranaos and we DO play sports." Why do we have to say modern in the same sentence?

* You know how to play pusoy and mah-jong. The only card game I know that Maranaos play is "Tram", which is actually a form of Trump.

* You add an unwarranted H to your name, i.e. JHun, BHoy, RHon. Most Maranao names are Maranao words or Arabic names. I was asked once though by a non-Maranao why most Maranao names end in H. Faridah. Sobaidah. These are usually Arabic.

* You say "kodakan" instead of "take pictures". We don't.

* You say "array" instead of "ouch". We say "aydaw!" Haha.

* You have a portrait of The Last Supper in your dining room and you have a shrine of the Sto Nino in your living room. Nope. Maranaos are Muslim.

* You own a piano that no one ever plays. Not into pianos.

* You have aunts and uncles named Baby, Girlie and Boy. Not really, no. Actually, Ate Baby IS pretty common, but we say Ate Bibi. Even more common is Ate Bibi Dull (Baby Doll). I love that. :)

These are just some of the ones I've been asked about a lot. What else is there?

***

WHY WE ARE FILIPINOS:

* You eat rice for breakfast. Bgas!

* You leave slippers and shoes at the doorstep. Strictly no shoes in the house!

* You have a "tabo" in the bathroom. (Plastic dipper for water)

* You use a "walis ting-ting" or "walis tambo" as opposed to the convential broom to sweep floors.

* You say "Hoy" to get someone's attention. Albeit in a heavier, guttural accent.

* You point with your lips.

* You have to kiss all your relatives on the cheek when you enter a room.

* You put your hands in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of a TV.

Haha. I love it all.

What makes you distinctly Maranao?

I.D.

It is becoming increasingly easier for me to write in bullet points.

Let's I.D. the Maranao, shall we?

I have a lot of friends from different countries, all of whom have never even heard of the Maranao. They know I'm from the Philippines, therefore I'm Filipino, therefore I speak Tagalog and some form of funny-ish English, therefore I'm from Manila, therefore I eat dog meat for fun.

Oi vei.

I'm going to ignore the fact that those are painfully cliche stereotypes (fine, there's some truth in them, but still).

Maranaos are from Lanao, which can be found in Mindanao, the Southern part of the Philippines. Their culture is more Malay-influenced than Hispanic.

For more boring-type history, geography and whatever else information that needs to be authentic, click here.

Instead of telling you what a Maranao is, let's start with what a Maranao is NOT.

1. We're not big on karaoke. We don't have the latest karaoke technology surround-sound froucaca in our living rooms. Frank Sinatra's "My Way" is in fact, NOT our national anthem.

Karaoke?! WTF is that?

Ok, fine, maybe I have a karaoke machine in my room that has at least 7,000 songs, and I can sing My Way 10 different ways including the P. Diddy remix. But that's beside the point.

Here in Jeddah, it's a given. "You're Filipino? KARAOKE!!" (I think this happens everywhere, except Manila.)

Yeah, no. It's the other Filipinos that are into that.

**

2. We don't really have that P / F problem. We don't say Farty when we mean Party. We have our letter P down. It's probably because F is really not part of our alphabet/language.

Yeah! *fist bump*

**

3. Our culture is a lot like the Saudi one. If it's taboo for the Saudis, it's taboo for the Maranaos.

**

4. Yeah, we DON'T eat dog meat. Or snake. Or animal intestines. Those are popular pulutan dishes, to be consumed with alcohol. We don't drink zee Alcohol. Cough.

**

... to be continued.

In the meantime, maybe the Maranao readers have something to add.

Intoxicate.

Pasisigupan. (Smoker)

photo by Aetas-Art

There aren't that many female Maranao smokers.

Apparently, there are only two kinds:

1. Those women who are considered "worldly", exposed to outside culture. Probably students, or career women, or the ones who "don't care" what other (Maranaos) say about them. There are many words I've heard used to describe these women, including "(over) educated" and "jaded".

2. Older women. They are usually chain smokers, too. One cigarette right after the other. They are candid, with lots of stories of the old, glorious days. I love talking to them. They seem more open-minded.

Smoking is taboo in Maranao culture not so much because of health reasons, but because of what society might say about these women. An unmarried smoker might be considered a little too wild, with some degree of "experience". Not good.

But it's also not such a big problem in our society. Most women who smoke quit once they are married, or when they have kids.

Is it something worthy of address?

Are YOU a smoker?

How To Read This Blog.

I finally got the balls to start this blog. So here it is.

There are several ways to read this blog. I would prefer that you do it my way, though.

1. Since this isn't an official Maranao website, always keep in mind that whatever I say here is my opinion, from MY point of view. There is no malicious intent to smear the Maranao culture (okay, maybe occasionally VERY LITTLE), but if it does happen, I'm sure it's with best interest at heart.

2. This blog will be entirely in English, and if I do say things in either Tagalog or Maranao (or any other Filipino dialect), I will be translating them to English. Mainly because the blog is for everyone online, whether or not the reader is Maranao.

3. I tend to mention taboo topics, which we call pamaliyan or mawag, so if you are sensitive to these, I advise you to resist the temptation to keep reading this blog. In fact, here's a sample:

SEX!

If your eyes hurt at the sight of that word, close your browser immediately, turn off your computer, and try to forget about this blog.

4. I'm a fluent Maranao speaker, but of course I slip up often. If you speak the language, feel free to correct me. However, I will still decide if your correction is right, so please explain or provide an argument.

5. I am kind of narcissistic, and I will tend to write about myself a lot. Expect it.

6. A lot of the things about Maranaos that are found online have something to do with the (proper) culture, some old traditions, our beautiful art and Moro politics. Although I might occasionally talk about these topics in this blog, for the most part, I will tend to talk about the daily mundane habits of Maranaos.

7. I will post a lot of pictures to entertain those of you who are visual readers. Under each photo is a link that acts as a caption as well. When this link is clicked, it will (hopefully) direct you to the source of the photo. For instance:

Not your everyday girl.

Original watercolor painting by Fe Seligman.

Please click the link to go to the source site.

I really liked this one. If I had money, I'd purchase it at once.

8. I will be updating this blog several times a week, depending on my mood swings, or the events in my life that beg for a rant about the Maranao lifestyle.

9. Comments are most welcome, hate mail or otherwise. Please try to include your name, as anonymous posts are nakaka-irita, mataan (really annoying). If you don't want to identify yourself, fine, write a nickname, a screen name, your neighbor's name, whatever. Just write a name.

10. Some of you might not be in the mood to comment. There is a little survey thingie at the end of each post that asks what you think about it.

11. I would appreciate any link to any website that mentions Maranaos. Anything to tell the world about us. I mean, everyone's doing it, man. We gotta get moving. So spread the wurrd!!

Enjoy!